It's the rare parent who hasn't said no—and then said yes—to the same request. It's good to be flexible sometimes. It's good to let a child "make a case" for what she wants.

That's empowering. She learns to think, question and discuss. But it's not good when your child develops a habit of arguing with you. When she learns that—if she keeps at it— you may start giving in.

If your child does this to you, you can be sure she will do it to teachers and friends. They, like you, might appreciate your child's reasoning skills. But a constant debate will leave them feeling frustrated, manipulated and very negative.

Are you losing a battle with a nagging debater? Dr. Sylvia Rimm gives these anti-arguing instructions:

• Don't brag to others about your child's creative arguing skills—"She'll make a great lawyer someday!" This only encourages her to win more arguments.
• Ask for her reasons. This helps you make an informed decision. Plus, it shows that you are a good listener.
• Don't say yes or no immediately. Arguers always choose an inconvenient time. They know you're vulnerable then. Say, "Let me think about it. I'll get back to you (in a few minutes or after dinner for a small request; tomorrow or the weekend for a larger one)."
• Think it through. Consider the reasons. Don't say no just because you don't like her pushiness.
• Respond positively. Say yes with a smile. Say no firmly, giving your reason. Explain a compromise solution enthusiastically.
• Don't argue. Remind her that you have heard her request. You have listened to her reasons. You have taken time to consider them carefully. You have given her an answer and your reason. And the discussion is now over.
• Take time out. If your child continues to argue, send her to her room. After 10 minutes, let her come out. Act as if nothing unusual has happened. Don't hug!

Your child will learn that parents have a right to say no. She will find that you are positive, fair and rational—even if you don't always agree with her.

Source: Sylvia B. Rimm, How to Parent So Children Will Learn, Free Spirit Publishing.