The old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink,” certainly applies to kids! Children enjoy being led, but they hate being forced.

When they feel forced—when parents use their power without patience and understanding—children retaliate with their own powerful behavior. So if your child is arguing and talking back . . . or stubbornly not talking at all, it could be a reaction to how you're treating her. As one child psychiatrist has said, “Whenever you see a powerful child, you know there is a powerful parent.”

The key to avoiding power struggles is to balance your need for control with your child's growing need for independence. 

Here are three ways to strike that balance . . . and elicit your child's cooperation.

• Acknowledge your child's need for independence. Let your child know you understand and appreciate her desire to call her own shots. Tell her it's your intention to turn over decisions and responsibilities as soon as she can demonstrate she can handle them. Then follow through. 

• Say “Yes” when you can. If your child wants to do something, and it's not harmful or against already established rules, try to say yes. If you have to say “no," explain your reasons. 

• Transfer authority to a neutral entity. Play “Beat the Clock,” for example, when you want your child to get ready for bed faster, or complete homework or another task. Kids love it when the kitchen timer is in charge.